Post 1/2 Marathon

Well, the great news is that I completed my third 1/2 marathon on December 13th! The good news is that I was able to run part of each of the first four miles and most of the fifth mile! The not so good news is my digestive system kept me from having a better overall pace ... and the lesson learned was not to wear my hard arch supports on 13.1 miles - really brusied my insteps...ouch.
The amazing news is that even with those issues I finished and that is a wonderful feeling and now I want to start biking so the El Tour can be in my vision for 2010. I love challenging my body. The weight and diet part has kinda tripped me up this year. Since I lost the 75 pounds the last 10 have come and gone twice already this year. I feel an inner struggle that I am not sure of but I decided not to wait till the new year. The solstice is a great time to begin again as well so my focus right now is health, family, finances and then work/commitments.
That being said - my health goal is to focus on basics...lots of water, Veggies, protein and of course my favorite... exercise. Ladies Workout Express is changing in January with new classes, personal training etc. so I will keep taking advantage of that. I also want to get out on the road with my bike and start putting the miles in, walking with Kim, walking on my own and some new challenges.
I feel that I have been standing in my own way. I'm only going so far with things but it is time to be extreme. The biggest loser folks do it and I know I can too. I need to do this for me. My parents are having their 60th anniversary in June and I would love to lose 97 lbs by then! I know that is a lot however three - four lbs a week is not drastic...it is a higher rate than i had at the end of the weight loss before but if I punch is up and focus I think I can make it happen and I need to start right now by not skipping my workout today so here I go :).
Learning to LOVE myself and not worry about what others think has got to take priority.
My family goal is to remember to put my kids and family first...even if that means missing an occassional workout for them. I really need to visit my parents and to give more to the people who love me...I often take them for granted.
Finances are getting better - I just have to keep focusing on not spending unnecessarily and paying down the debt. I made great progress in 2009 and I can do the same for 2010.
I am ready for a new challenge with my job so I need to let the folks who can do something about that know it. I am not being challenged where I am and it is showing in the staff and statistics. if it is not a change of job then I need to find new ways to make it interesting again.
Community committments are important but I need to remember that things will happen with our without me and choosing the right areas to place my energy is key. Yeah my kids are home!
Time to enjoy them today

1/2 Marathon Intentions

This year has been an interesting one. Seems like my body has just decided to deal with the weight it is at. While there hasn't been significant weight loss, I am feeling better than ever. I am finding energy to run almost every time I am out which is great! I never thought I would be able to think of my self as running. I am able to accomplish things in exercise class that I would not have thought possible and am constantly looking for physical challenges.

Since seeing people getting ready for El Tour de Tucson was last weekend I have been thinking that should be my goal for next year - to ride in El Tour. That will be an interesting new challenge. So let it be written, so let it be done!

Have been dealing with affairs of the heart this year and have realized that so much of my eating is emotional and tied to relationships. I have always known it but have been surprised by just how real this phenomenon is! I have been doing pretty well on my own for these past 8 years. Sometimes better, sometimes worse but mostly better than before :) . Embracing solitude seems to be a theme for me this year.

So - I feel ready for the Tucson 1/2 Marathon coming up December 13th. I could have trained harder but I am confident that my body will take me through this event again this year. Had some folks who wanted to do it with me but were unable to get the training in so may end up going it on my own but this too will be okay. It is an awesome thing to cross that finish line and I am really looking forward to that feeling again. This is all part of learning to love myself again.

How quickly time passes

Well, it has been awhile since my last post. I have been avoiding the post because there hasn't been much to report. During the last five months my weight has gone up and down mostly the same five pounds. I have been exercising, counting calories and still I am at literally a standstill. I have tried not to get worried, not to freak and yet the weight just does not move.

I should be thrilled to be at this lower weight but I really want to get to my goal weight once in my life. That being said, I have had some breakthroughs. I have been trying to run for a long time - I seemed to have a mental block about it and then the other day out of the blue I just took off running and ran a mile! This was huge for me and I have been attending Boot Camp at Ladies Workout Express and I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible. I thought Boot Camp would be too hard but I actually was able to do it. I had to miss it last week and I was really disappointed.

It is really important to celebrate accomplishments and realize how far I have come. With the Holidays coming I am not sure how realistic it is to think I will suddenly start losing weight now, but I am recommitting myself everyday. Setting my intentions and doing the work. I know eventually there will be additional payoffs. I am going to do the 1/2 marathon in December and while I won't be able to run 13 miles, I am hoping to run a few of the miles anyway.

In the beginning it was so important for me to workout with other people and now I am able to do it on my own which is also an accomplishment. While it is a struggle sometimes to get myself motivated, once I am in the exercise I am happy for it. Whether it is the circuit or a class at LWE, or walking, jogging, or working on the eliptical, yoga or just other strength training I am happy to do it. I like to push myself and I am so very happy that at least has changed :).

Breaking Through

I have been exercising, counting calories and for four months I have been at a stand still and then finally 1 pound! Praise God! I have finally lost a total of 75 lbs. That was as of last week and so tonight I will weigh in again and see how it compares, but I am so happy ...I had begun to worry that there would be no more weightloss. Now I think the stress of the past few months at work may have been holding me back or perhaps my body was just recalibrating...I don't really know but I am feeling like things are now moving in the right direction again.........down!

Breaking Down the Wall

I have been struggling wondering why the weight is not coming off. I kept saying I was at a plateau, but I am starting to think it is a wall. I know that for a good portion of my life my weight has been a way of keeping people away. If I am overweight when people don't like me or "love" me, then I have the excuse that it is the weight that keeps them from loving me.

It is not rocket science I know. It is also a buffer...it keeps people from getting in, getting too close. But why now? I have lost 74 lbs. and everywhere I go people tell me how good I look and I do feel good and I feel like I am looking better, so why now. The last time I was at this weight was just after the divorce. At that time I lost 40 lbs. just from the stress. I wasn't eating or sleeping. I've been having dreams about the ex and have been suddenly angry about things that happened so long ago. I thought those feelings had been left behind - feels like they were just buried beneath the pounds.

The sad thing is that I want to be loved. I want to have that amazing relationship that makes me want to share all the big and small things of the day with someone who loves me too. I am learning now to live in the moment and to let the past go...I am thankful that these changes are happening but I can see that it will be a day to day re- commitment for me to focus on today and to let the walls crumble. I have wonderful support systems and tools; I just need to let all of those people and ideas seep into my being so that they become a part of me and there will no longer be the need for the wall because I am safe, happy and loved.

Valley of the Gold 1/2 Marathon

Today I completed my second 1/2 marathon! It was awesome...even though I was on my own it felt good to do the entire thing just for myself. When the announcer said, "Amber Mathewson" you have just completed the 1/2 marathon i threw my arms up and crossed the finish line. It felt so good. I wanted to run a bit more but that is okay for now walking will have to do.

Getting through this weight plateau is my next goal. It is hard after a year of such successful weight loss to see the weight coming off slower, but knowing that I can decide to do a 1/2 marathon and actually train and complete it ....it makes me so happy to know that my body can do these things.

I will be needing another goal soon, but next weekend is the cancer walk at the highschool and on the 19th the Susan B Coleman Race for the cure so at least those things will keep me moving. Also the walking challenge at work ... now if i can just not want to eat!

Image

I think the hardest thing is realizing the changes that have come...in the family picture I am on the far right and weighed in at 329 lbs. You can see that we are a family of good sized people...my image of myself changes with who i am with and what we are doing.

In the full length picture of myself I weigh 257...the face pictures show the same weight changes.

People have told me how different I look and then just the other day a friend saw me on face book and said I looked the same as highschool when I weighed 160 lbs....funny thing is I felt that I looked the same at every weight too and so I wonder if people preceive us as we are or how we think we are?

It is all in preception...why is it so hard to change our self image...or to see ourselves as the world sees us? I love the Zumba classes at Ladies Workout Express because our instructor makes us feel like we are beautiful and when I seen the reflection of us all moving together it is very definitly beautiful...large and small, we are all beautiful.

Hitting the dreaded Plateau

Well, it has been a while since I have posted to this blog. And since the beginning of '09 I have only lost 4 lbs. This is a bit discouraging because seeing the big changes is exciting. I have been doing a great routine. I attend yoga twice weekly, zumba twice weekly and a do the circuit at ladies workout express 3-4 times a week as well. I decided it was time to train for another 1/2 marathon. So I will be participating in the Valley of the Gold on March 29th. I was really excited because I had a partner who wanted to try it for the first time but she told me yesterday she doesn't think she will be doing it...I think I pushed a little too hard. I was just so excited to have had that accomplishment I wanted to share the experience.
So - in addition to the routine mentioned above I am also walking 3-4 times a week with the weekend walks longer each time. I completed 8 miles on Saturday and then went to yoga. I am thrilled with my energy levels these days. Last Friday I didn't do any kind of workout because my daughter wanted me to take a break. We were sitting around the house and I could not sit still. I kept trying to get her and my son to go out to a movie or out for a walk or anything. My daughter said, "what is wrong with you can't you just sit still?" That is the thing...now that I have had a year of continuous exercise it is hard to just sit still and I love that. I am someone who was a "couch potato" most of my life. For me to be excited about exercise...looking for challenges...wanting to move more is really amazing to me. I would really rather spend my days exercising. My perfect weekends now revolve around movement....time for LONG walks, working out, yoga etc....
So I know that the plateau will pass...I was just looking on line for ideas and it looks like maybe I am not eating enough calories????I might have to change it up. But one thing is for sure...I will not stop now :).

2009

Well, today is almost over but I did get out and walk not once but twice today so that was really great! I am looking for new motivations...