So the weightloss and exercising is at a plateau. I am not really gaining but not making progress and my love life is much the same. I met someone recently who I never felt I was ,"in love with," but I did enjoy spending time with him. We met and dated very regularly for two full months. Then - that is all. He sent a follow up email once and said that next week might be better and then nothing.
After much agonizing over what I said, what he said, if I did something wrong...I finally realized that he was doing what is now called the fadeaway. Apparently men prefer this because they don't have to tell you why or get into any drama. So I am sitting with that. Because all of this work on me is really all about finding out if I can finally find someone to spend my life with.
I find it utterly rediculous that God would want me to be alone. I have a wonderful career, fabulous family, good close friends, and essentially a really good life. But what I want most is to have someone to share that life with. I REALLY tried the online dating thing but have found only a few nice guys and no one who is THE one.
In the past 12 years since my divorce I have dated at least 14 men. None of those relationships have lasted more than 1 or 2 months and it is a stretch at that to call them relationships. I made a couple of nice friends but not anyone to write home about. So then I have to realize that it must be me. I am the common denominator in these scenarios.
I have no idea what is next. I feel as I have for sometime that there must be something more than this but what it is I do not know.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Starting over again,,,again!
Here we are June 17th, 2013 and I am beginning again. I was recently down to 242 but trampolined back up to 252 this morning. I know some of that is water weight and the time of month etc., but the bottom line is whenever I start getting to a happy number something moves me back up. I REALLY want to get below 200 and possible to 180-170 by my fiftieth birthday which means I have about two years and eight days to do just that. It has taken me five years to get to where I am from 329 and many numbers in between SO - yeah.
I have recently realized just how deep-seated my comfort eating is. I have been turning to ice-cream my drug of choice all too frequently. The other day I ate (not ice cream) until my stomach literally hurt...I have not done that in a very long time. I know I was looking to be filled, looking for something...more.
So there it is. I just read this book called, One Word that will Change Your Life. It is a tiny little book and no it doesn't give you the word :( . The premise is that if you focus on one word for a year, in all aspects of your life (spiritual, physical, mental, relational, financial, emotional) it will bring to unexpected and helpful outcomes. You are supposed to pray/meditate/think about what you need in your life, what is in the way and what you need to get rid of. Then you ask for the word to be given to you and then the enlightenment begins. Apparently some people do this at the beginning of a new year, but since my birthday is nine days away, I have decided to figure out my word and use it until my next birthday. Now that being said, it is not supposed to be like a resolution that you either do, or don't do...whatever you do with it is what you get out of it - for the YEAR.
I thought a lot about this so far. My first word was LOVE because, well, that has always been my word. That or a combination of Live, Laugh, Love, then I thought okay, what about MOVE, that works with exercise, dieting...but when I thought about career and home...well I proved I wasn't ready to move in that area recently so I have moved on to COURAGE...not courageous enough to have that be my first word ever. Then I started writing down words and phrases and put them in a Wordle and came up with MORE. More joy, more peace, more love, more power, create more etc....so I think that the word is MORE, unless something comes to me before the 26th, MORE it is.
So here is to new beginnings, and to finding the more instead of the is that all there is.
I have recently realized just how deep-seated my comfort eating is. I have been turning to ice-cream my drug of choice all too frequently. The other day I ate (not ice cream) until my stomach literally hurt...I have not done that in a very long time. I know I was looking to be filled, looking for something...more.
So there it is. I just read this book called, One Word that will Change Your Life. It is a tiny little book and no it doesn't give you the word :( . The premise is that if you focus on one word for a year, in all aspects of your life (spiritual, physical, mental, relational, financial, emotional) it will bring to unexpected and helpful outcomes. You are supposed to pray/meditate/think about what you need in your life, what is in the way and what you need to get rid of. Then you ask for the word to be given to you and then the enlightenment begins. Apparently some people do this at the beginning of a new year, but since my birthday is nine days away, I have decided to figure out my word and use it until my next birthday. Now that being said, it is not supposed to be like a resolution that you either do, or don't do...whatever you do with it is what you get out of it - for the YEAR.
I thought a lot about this so far. My first word was LOVE because, well, that has always been my word. That or a combination of Live, Laugh, Love, then I thought okay, what about MOVE, that works with exercise, dieting...but when I thought about career and home...well I proved I wasn't ready to move in that area recently so I have moved on to COURAGE...not courageous enough to have that be my first word ever. Then I started writing down words and phrases and put them in a Wordle and came up with MORE. More joy, more peace, more love, more power, create more etc....so I think that the word is MORE, unless something comes to me before the 26th, MORE it is.
So here is to new beginnings, and to finding the more instead of the is that all there is.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Events I have completed
On Dec 7th, 2008 I participated in my first 1/2 Marathon! my time was 3:50...(Tucson 1/2 Marathon)
March 29th,2009 was 3:46 (Valley of the Gold 1/2 Marathon)
Dec 13th, 2009 3:53 (Tucson 1/2 Marathon)
Dec 12, 2010 3:50- (Tucson 1/2 Marathon)
March 2011 Valley of the Gold 1/4 Marathon (Anne did this with me as well as Michele and Joe)
20 2098 Amber Mathewson 45 Sahuarita AZ 2:06:46 19:22
Nov 20, 2010 El Tour De Tucson - 40 miles 5 1/2 hours
Ture De Cure - 30 mile ride (Sahuarita & Green Valley)
Get Moving Tucson Meet Me Downtown 5K June 10, 11
1489 50:19.5 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 108 F45 16:11.9
Saguaro Labor Day 8 Miler September 5, 2011
847 2:31:31 Amber Mathewson Tucson F45-49 49 F46 18:56.4
Get Moving Tucson 1/2 Marathon featuring A mountain 10/9/11
680 3:34:28 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 48 F46 16:22.3
Tucson 1/2 Marathon 12/11/11
3291 3:51:56 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 102 F46 18:16
Get Moving Tucson Meet me Downtown 5K June 2, 2012
55:07 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 110 F47 17:44
Saguaro Labor Day 8 Miler September 2012
2:49:42 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 50 F47 21:12
Get Moving Tucson 5 K downtown October, 2012 (didn't do 1/2 because of heel spurs :( )
55:49 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 F47 17:57
March 29th,2009 was 3:46 (Valley of the Gold 1/2 Marathon)
Dec 13th, 2009 3:53 (Tucson 1/2 Marathon)
Dec 12, 2010 3:50- (Tucson 1/2 Marathon)
March 2011 Valley of the Gold 1/4 Marathon (Anne did this with me as well as Michele and Joe)
20 2098 Amber Mathewson 45 Sahuarita AZ 2:06:46 19:22
Nov 20, 2010 El Tour De Tucson - 40 miles 5 1/2 hours
Ture De Cure - 30 mile ride (Sahuarita & Green Valley)
Get Moving Tucson Meet Me Downtown 5K June 10, 11
1489 50:19.5 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 108 F45 16:11.9
Saguaro Labor Day 8 Miler September 5, 2011
847 2:31:31 Amber Mathewson Tucson F45-49 49 F46 18:56.4
Get Moving Tucson 1/2 Marathon featuring A mountain 10/9/11
680 3:34:28 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 48 F46 16:22.3
Tucson 1/2 Marathon 12/11/11
3291 3:51:56 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 102 F46 18:16
Get Moving Tucson Meet me Downtown 5K June 2, 2012
55:07 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 110 F47 17:44
Saguaro Labor Day 8 Miler September 2012
2:49:42 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 50 F47 21:12
Get Moving Tucson 5 K downtown October, 2012 (didn't do 1/2 because of heel spurs :( )
55:49 Amber Mathewson Sahuarita F45-49 F47 17:57
2013, Saint Patricks Day!
A whole year went by without me posting...guessing I am not the best blogger in the world! Unfortunately my weight had gone back up to 286 :(. However, in October of 2012 I started with Dr. Gann's Diet of Hope - which is really a no carb diet. I am happy to say that I am now at 244! Wearing mostly size 20 clothes and looking forward to continued weight loss.
Exercising is still fun for me though I have not been as fanatical as I was. I do need to step it up a bit but am looking for the AZ Distance Classic 1/2 Marathon next week! I haven't trained much for it and it will be difficult because of that, but I am not going to wimp out and do the 1/4 marathon. I have done 6 other 1/2 marathons so I know I can make it through this one. I have been doing battle with heel spurs but since there is no good cure for them I am determined not to let them stop me.
Have had a lot of changes both at work and at home and am trying to figure out where to go from here. I know I have to stick with the weight loss until I reach my goal...which I think is 180...carbs do however beckon me!
This year I do want to do more bike riding...I keep promising myself that but it really is what I enjoy. Thinking about canceling the YMCA membership as I don't go as often as I should.
Not sure what all the next steps are, but know I have to keep on keepin' on!
Happy St. Patrick's Day
Exercising is still fun for me though I have not been as fanatical as I was. I do need to step it up a bit but am looking for the AZ Distance Classic 1/2 Marathon next week! I haven't trained much for it and it will be difficult because of that, but I am not going to wimp out and do the 1/4 marathon. I have done 6 other 1/2 marathons so I know I can make it through this one. I have been doing battle with heel spurs but since there is no good cure for them I am determined not to let them stop me.
Have had a lot of changes both at work and at home and am trying to figure out where to go from here. I know I have to stick with the weight loss until I reach my goal...which I think is 180...carbs do however beckon me!
This year I do want to do more bike riding...I keep promising myself that but it really is what I enjoy. Thinking about canceling the YMCA membership as I don't go as often as I should.
Not sure what all the next steps are, but know I have to keep on keepin' on!
Happy St. Patrick's Day
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