Today has been one of those days where I feel like even though there are clouds outside, it is really raining inside. I can't quite put my finger on the issue today. I did the Gabe Zimmerman Saguaro Labor Day 5K yesterday. I should be feeling great and instead, I am feeling let down, depressed...deflated.
The fact that four of my most recent lost lbs. found me again couldn't possibly be the thing. It is just that I have had great success in the past three weeks and was down 18 lbs! Then this morning...what the heck?! I know there are so many factors in this rollercoaster of weight loss, but COME ON!
Okay, four lbs. and this stupid guy who I don't really even like but who seemed to want to go out again, made a date and then blew me off. Seriously, I am fifty years old! I can't even believe he had the nerve. Why make a date at all? Why even bother?
I am tired of just letting these things happen. In my heart I have told him every way to Sunday, but in my brain I am saying, why are you letting your pride make a big deal out of this? He is not your dream man, not even close, and there is no love lost. Just pride. Let it go...give it up buttercup! Tomorrow you just start again and stop thinking about yourself, there are others out there who need your help on many different levels.
Okay, twenty-four hours of pitty party is enough.
Tomorrow we begin again.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Diet of Hope
In 2012 I did Dr. Gann's Diet of Hope to try to get some of my weight off again. I had ballooned up to 286 and lost about 40 lbs. during the initial 6 weeks of that program. It is a very strict High Protein/Low Carb diet. So, on August 17th of this year when I found myself again at a very near all time high of 315 lbs. I decided it was time to start over in earnest.
This year I have been looking back a lot. I guess turning 50 does that to you. Today when I began to look at my weight loss and gain over the past few years as this blog shows it has gone from as low as 240 and as high as 329. Thant is a difference of 89 lbs. That is an entire small adult! (I actually know some 90 lb. folks). It seems like 240 and 250 are difficult weights for me to maintain and pass.
This time, I have decided to face this thing head on - one day at a time.
On August 17th I weighed 315 lbs. Today my scale said 301.2. So there you go. I can still lose weight. I don't know why I always give up. It is not really a giving up as much as a returning to old behaviors. Ice cream has always seemed like a good idea, but eating it every day or even several times a week has proven deadly for me.
I had promised myself back in 2012 that I would be at my goal weight of 180 by the time I turned 50. Interestingly enough, if I had kept off all the weight I have lost and regained over the past 3 years I probably would have made it to that goal.
For now, walking at least 10,000 steps a day and keeping to a strict diet is working, however I know that probably in another week I am going to have to step up and vary the exercise. I definitely need the strength training and yoga has got to make a comeback.
Why this continued lifelong obsession with weight...it is all about self-image of course. How I see myself and more importantly how I feel about myself at any give time is reflected in my weight. Luckily I am mostly healthy, though this year has been a little challenging with anemia and some arthritis popping up but I am determined to push through.
I am starting a new spiritual directions class in September and I am ever hopeful that both the spiritual and the physical work I am doing will lead to a much improved me by the end of the year, AND I can extend that goal of losing to my goal by the end of my fiftieth year. To reach that goal I would have to lose about 121 lbs. over the next 10 months. This is actually doable at 12 lbs. a month or 3 lbs. a week. I guess it is time to start visualizing that and making it my truth.
I think it is important to find the way toward this goal because I want to live a long and healthy life. My kids have not started their families yet and I want to be a cool, active gramma when they do AND I want to have a lot more fun as the years go by. I have been really thinking about gastric bypass again, but in my heart of hearts I feel that is just not the path for me. So here I go, one day, one pound at a time until I can reveal the me that has been waiting to come out.
Thanks for listening!
This year I have been looking back a lot. I guess turning 50 does that to you. Today when I began to look at my weight loss and gain over the past few years as this blog shows it has gone from as low as 240 and as high as 329. Thant is a difference of 89 lbs. That is an entire small adult! (I actually know some 90 lb. folks). It seems like 240 and 250 are difficult weights for me to maintain and pass.
This time, I have decided to face this thing head on - one day at a time.
On August 17th I weighed 315 lbs. Today my scale said 301.2. So there you go. I can still lose weight. I don't know why I always give up. It is not really a giving up as much as a returning to old behaviors. Ice cream has always seemed like a good idea, but eating it every day or even several times a week has proven deadly for me.
I had promised myself back in 2012 that I would be at my goal weight of 180 by the time I turned 50. Interestingly enough, if I had kept off all the weight I have lost and regained over the past 3 years I probably would have made it to that goal.
For now, walking at least 10,000 steps a day and keeping to a strict diet is working, however I know that probably in another week I am going to have to step up and vary the exercise. I definitely need the strength training and yoga has got to make a comeback.
Why this continued lifelong obsession with weight...it is all about self-image of course. How I see myself and more importantly how I feel about myself at any give time is reflected in my weight. Luckily I am mostly healthy, though this year has been a little challenging with anemia and some arthritis popping up but I am determined to push through.
I am starting a new spiritual directions class in September and I am ever hopeful that both the spiritual and the physical work I am doing will lead to a much improved me by the end of the year, AND I can extend that goal of losing to my goal by the end of my fiftieth year. To reach that goal I would have to lose about 121 lbs. over the next 10 months. This is actually doable at 12 lbs. a month or 3 lbs. a week. I guess it is time to start visualizing that and making it my truth.
I think it is important to find the way toward this goal because I want to live a long and healthy life. My kids have not started their families yet and I want to be a cool, active gramma when they do AND I want to have a lot more fun as the years go by. I have been really thinking about gastric bypass again, but in my heart of hearts I feel that is just not the path for me. So here I go, one day, one pound at a time until I can reveal the me that has been waiting to come out.
Thanks for listening!
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Military Diet or Bust!
Well, here I am again. I have gained and lost and gained and gained and gained. So, three weeks ago I started the Military Diet with my daughter that has three days of hard core dieting with four days a bit more relaxed and of course exercise encouraged!
The good news is as of today I am more than 15 pounds down. This has taken real effort. I went to the doctor, found out I was extremely anemic and with the weight gain I was finding it hard to get through the day let alone move. I am happy to say that I am feeling better and I am moving again and the weight is slowly dropping. I am trying to look at the "diet" as a life style and exercise as the key to happiness. This is not a punishment but a way to live life differently.
I think it would be fun to live in a body that didn't gain weight so easily. I know it is evolution and genetics and the pure enjoyment of food that has gotten me here, but it is a struggle that is difficult to keep moving with. I am encouraged by others though who cheer me on no matter what and who help make this journey worth it!
The good news is as of today I am more than 15 pounds down. This has taken real effort. I went to the doctor, found out I was extremely anemic and with the weight gain I was finding it hard to get through the day let alone move. I am happy to say that I am feeling better and I am moving again and the weight is slowly dropping. I am trying to look at the "diet" as a life style and exercise as the key to happiness. This is not a punishment but a way to live life differently.
I think it would be fun to live in a body that didn't gain weight so easily. I know it is evolution and genetics and the pure enjoyment of food that has gotten me here, but it is a struggle that is difficult to keep moving with. I am encouraged by others though who cheer me on no matter what and who help make this journey worth it!
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